My Children and I!!
Well, as a father in Hamilton County, Ohio. I have seen the courts work both ways, for me and against me. I have witnessed the courts take a child away from the mother, and I have witnessed the courts take the child away from the father.
I am that person. I have a 12.5 year old daughter, almost 7 year old boy, another boy at the age of 2.5 years old, and another little girl that is 6 months old. Yes that totals 4 children that I love dearly. My 12.5 year old was with my ex-wife. My 7 year old son was with a younger woman, our relationship didn't work out for several reasons and she was able to completely take him away from me. My two youngest children currently reside with their mother and I, from a relationship that began 5 years ago. The story continues in future posts.
Thanks for reading the story of my life as a father.
Here is the story of my oldest daughter from birth until current.
I caught my ex-wife committing adultery on me across the street from where I was employed, when my daughter was 5 months old. So, I decided to kick her out and keep my daughter. I called 241-kids on myself because I was 22 years old, ex-military, and was working 3 jobs at the time. I didn't know much about my lil girl. I barely even knew how to change her diapers.
So, social services asked me if she would be ok until morning. I told them yes, but I wanted to make sure I was doing everything right as a parent. So, in the morning social services came out to the home, and here the process started for me to be a good father. I know that my daughter was pretty thin and had a cold, but I wasn't for sure that it was as severe as it really was. Plus my health insurance expired the day after my daughter was born.
We took her to the Childrens Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio. At this time we found out that my daughter was diagnosed with being "Failure to Thrive?, along with having Asthma. Her mom had her on whole milk by the age of 5 months. She did breast feed the first 3 months. My daughter had only gained 4 lbs. since birth, and she developed Chronic Asthma.
Social services referred me to a company named Beech Acres. They came out to my home everyday for the first month. They taught me parenting. We watched videos and took little quizzes. Then the 2nd month they came out to the home like 3 days per week. The 3rd month it stayed about the same. I ended up moving like the last 2 weeks of the class. I didn't get to graduate, but they went to court with me, to help me with getting custody.
I was awarded custody. So here is the "Sad" but well anticipated Woohoo!! If I would have known that her mom would have ended up being the way that she has been in the last 12 years I would have figured out some other way of being in control of my daughters well being and keeping her mom involved in my daughters life.
When a child loses a parent, or vise-versa, it is very, very heartbreaking. My daughter has accumulated over $20,000.00 in medical bills. That I had to pay out of my pocket, just to purchase the home that we live in now. I have never made more than $16.00 per hour and that has been recently with in the last year.
My daughters mom was first ordered to pay child support at $264.08 per month. Well her mom kind of just disappeared. No child support, and a sick sick little girl. We almost lived at the hospital her first 2 years of life. Chronic Asthma and "Failure to Thrive" (malnutrition and under weight), caused other health problems with "developing" issues. I couldn't keep a job for anything, due to the health problems my daughter had.
So after 4 years of no child support, no birthday cards, no holidays, no phone calls, no interaction at all, what is a man to do. Well in order for a father to get the courts here in Hamilton County, to do anything, you must have a lawyer, or you will lose. Even if you have a lawyer your chances are still slim to none. The courts here are very opinionated on mothers versus fathers. I ended up having to pay a Private Detective to locate my ex. That cost me over a hundred dollars for 2 minutes of that detectives time. That was the fastest response I have ever gotten in return.
So I took that information and gave it to the Child Support Enforcement Agency (C.S.E.A.). Imagine after 4 years of the courts not doing there job, and going to court every 3 months for her contempt charge of no support payments, they finally arrested her. All at my expense. So now, more court. Missing more work without pay. After she was extradited back here to Hamilton County, they finally set a court date.
Well on the court date, they wanted to put her in Prison for 1 year. I thought that was a little harsh. My ex's father was in court as well. He came down from Sandusky, Ohio. I know that he had some money, and could afford to pay the much needed back pay in support. So, the judge asked me what I wanted, and I had mentioned that if she could pay the back pay in support that I didn't think prison would be a good idea. She said her father was present and that he could pay it.
So, she didn't go to prison. She did have probation for 1 year and had to maintain a job. Well her job lasted as long as her probation. So, during all of this we had support court. They felt that since she had 2 more kids during the 4 years of no child support, at this time that she could only afford to pay $73.05 per month. Well I appealed that decision, and in that hearing, the judge decided that she was still paying too much. On 23 January 2003, we went in front of our divorce judge. She is now ordered $71.05 per month.
Then my ex begged pleaded and cried to the courts that I stopped her from seeing her daughter. Which was a lie. She moved 2 hours North of Cincinnati. I even took my daughter to Columbus, Ohio to visit her mother and even stayed the night at her apartment with her boyfriend and her. So I didn't have to pay for a motel or drive back.
The courts felt that my ex should be a part of her daughters life, and ordered us to go to mediation. Here my daughter was like 5 years old already and has to meet her mom for the 1st time. I told the courts that was not a good idea, that my ex knew where we lived all the way up until the year 2000. Which was Oakley. I also stated that my ex didn't try then, what makes you think she would try now. Yes my daughter would get to meet her mom for 45 minutes and that would probably be it. Yes, that is what happened. My daughter hasn't seen or heard from her mom since.
So, we then we moved to Sharonville for a year and then I was able to purchase my 1st home. I was only able to purchase my home due to an inheritance I received. I lost my very well loved father, on 1 January 2000 at the age of 56. He was a 26.5 year retired Master Sargent General U.S. Army, and about to retire from his following job as a salesman. Then my step mom passed away 6 months later. So, this is how I paid $20,000.00 in medical bills, and purchased my 1st home. But I had to put a $58,000.00 deposit down on my $106,750.00 home. I would have not been able to do this due to to bad credit for unpaid medical bills. In which her mom is responsible for 50% due to the divorce decree. Of course I will probably never see any of this money.
Well its been the same on payments. I get a check here and there, once every 6 months to a year, or so. This past year I received 2 different payments of like $400.00. Wooohooo!! An extra paycheck. The last check of $400.00 was 11 September 2007. Imagine that. It is now 12 April 2008 and got another payment of $100.00. As you can see that it has been 6 months.
My daughter is 5'1" inches tall and weighs about 130lbs. She is in the 6th grade, and has the 2nd chair in playing the violin at her school. My daughter has also been nominated as a "Gifted Child" in Language Arts and Reading all through grade school. She took the tests to qualify and she would purposely miss the score by a couple of points because she wanted to stay with her friends in normal classes.
I wish we would not have explained to her what the test was for, because that is what made her not want to pass. But I feel that honesty is best. But I have always found out that honesty hurts you in a court of law. It seems like the more crooked you are the better off you are. The courts are all about $$$ and lawyers. They are not for the people. I tell you something though, "In God I trust". Even though I get discouraged sometimes because of the life I have had. It just seems I have always lost, and everything is always against me. I have tried to do the right thing, and it just backfires.
When my daughter was born we lived in Norwood, Ohio. When I moved out before I got custody, we moved to West Chester, Ohio. Lived there for about a year. Then we moved to Forest Park, Ohio. We lived there for a year and then moved to Oakley. We lived there for 2 years.
Now this is the life of my son that I never had!
I had met a girl that worked for my sister at an animal clinic. My sister introduced us. My daughter and I lived in Sharonville at the time. I ended up liking this girl a lot, enough to where I think I fell in love with her. She ended up getting pregnant. So, when I got the first of my inheritance, it was in October 2000. I lived down the street from where I worked. That was great. I would go home and eat lunch. I checked the mail and 5 checks were in it. They were addressed to me. That was the best lunch of my life!! 5 checks that totaled $55,000.00. Here's another Woohoo!
My 1991 GMC Sonoma (my rusty old Chevrolet) was broke down, and no money to fix it. Kind of perfect timing. My apartment was clean but had roaches, bugs, and came from my downstairs neighbor, and only a 2 bedroom. A pregnant woman. So after 4 months of getting my credit straightened out, thanks to my new mortgage broker, and $58,000.00 we found the home that the mom to be of my 2nd child wanted to live in. On 24 February 2001, we received the keys to our new home.
15 May 2001 my son was born. Let's get a Woot Woot!! Everything was going great! Money in the bank, my new child, a woman I think I loved, and a nice home. My home is a 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath, full finished basement, 2 car garage with extra driveway. About 1300 sq. feet. Also in the suburbs.
My girlfriend moved in with us. When we got the keys. Well of course here comes the hardware store. 1st home needing yard supplies, home fixes, etc.. Then 20 June 2001 comes around. I went to the hardware store, and when I came back there was an ambulance, fire engine, and police cars out front. My daughter at the age of 5 came to me and said that my sons mom had an accident. I seen the nearest paramedic, and asked him what was going on.
He said that the mom had tripped and dropped my son on his head on my ceramic kitchen floor. I seen my son, and he had a big lump on his head, bigger than the size of a half dollar. So, they offered to take him to Children's Hospital. Ok, I'll let the mom ride in the ambulance. So, now I had to find a babysitter for my daughter, and get the car seat from one vehicle to the other. Get my daughters bags packed. And, on my way.
I get to the hospital and her whole family was there. They were very rude to me, didn't even offer me a seat, and ignored me. From this day forward, sadly to say, our relationship had ended. They had moved out within a week. When they returned to move her things out, it was without my son, and with her step dad. It got heated up and I had called the police. They came and became buddy buddy with her step dad because he works for the city of Deer Park and Amberly Village, Ohio. He does maintenance for Amberly Village and volunteer firefighter for Deer Park. I had to give her her personal belongings, but they were wanting his crib and all his baby things. I refused and that is why the cops were called.
Well from that time forward it got more chaotic. I didn't get to see my son hardly at all. Only when she wanted me to be able to see him. Well on 3 October 2001 my son's mom was having major foot surgery to where she wasn't going to be able to do much for a few months. She wanted me to pick her up from the hospital and take back to her mom and step dads home in Deer Park. I didn't want to due to our relationship, but she said I could spend some time with my son. So I thought that was great. Let alone I still loved this woman.
Well we get to the house and her mom opens the door for us. We got inside and my son was next to the tv in his swing. Well within a few minutes her step dad was there in his Amberly Village City maintenance truck. He had someone else with him in his truck.
So anyways her step dad came into the house and told me to leave. I said to him I just got here and I was invited by his wife to come in. He then came over and grabbed me within 5 feet from my son, and he swung me around into his front door. Then he tried pushing me through their storm door. So I went out to my new car 2001 Monte Carlo SS my inheritance, and pushed the On-Star. It called the police and they were dispatched. Her step dad came out after me and was yanking on my car door andf telling me to get my car out of his driveway or he was going to drag it into the street with his work truck. I told him I am not moving it until the police get here. So I got out of my car and with him so angry, I was trying to avoid a fight due to respect for my son and his mother.
So proceeded to come after me, in a charging motion. I ran into the middle of the street and kept stalling the fight. Then his wife yelled out the front door and heard on the police scanner, that the cops were dispatched. So his friend in the city maintenance truck was told to go ahead and get out of there before the police get there. Finally the police get there, and had to tackle her step dad to the ground. The officer had told him to stop, and he didn't.
I told the officer I wanted to press charges for assault. So after the cops had handcuffed him, they ended up un-handcuffing him a few minutes later. Once they found out he works for the city and he talks his buddy talk to them again. Well if I wouldn't have pressed charges I wouldn't have received Criminal Trespassing on my record. All he got was Disorderly Conduct. When him and his lawyer should have gotten Assault, Torte, Failure to Respond to an Officer, along with Disorderly Conduct, last but least Child Endangerment.
So, I then filed for Custody of my son. Well my sons mom got an attorney. Actually a husband and wife attorneys. I didn't think I would need an attorney. What have I done wrong? Well I guess I did everything wrong. Well I guess I was young and dumb. I went to drinking alcohol to help with my feelings and heartache. I ended up getting pulled over on 5 October 2002 while driving, and I was facing a DUI. Remind you my daughter was at home asleep in bed, with a babysitter. It was my mistake to be nice and do everything the officers wanted me to do. The officer went to get the breathalizer out of his cruiser, and he dropped it on the ground, and when I still blew into that breathalizer machine, I supposedly blew past the legal limit.The officer said it was a .2, and I was in shock and taken directly to jail. It is true, pass go and do not collect $200.00.
I felt that the officer was very rude to me, I thought that I should refuse the breathalizer at the station. I thought "Why blow twice" double the punishment. So my license was suspended from 5 October 2002 automatically for 1 year. I only had a couple of beers. I now had get me an attorney. 9 January 2003 I did just that. In fact I got 2 Lawyers. One for this DUI and the other for my son and his mom.
So now being in the courts for this DUI, my ex-wife getting caught for no support, contempt of court for not getting to see my son on scheduled visitation days, after her not showing up 140 times for my scheduled visitation days, my sons mom filing a Restraining Order on me, in "fear for her life", in which I had to go to court on 13 January 2003 and on the same day, court for C.S.E.A. for my ex-wife, 23 January 2003 our divorce judge for the $71.05 per month the decrease from $73.05 per month, court again 5 February 2003 for DUI, and court again 18 February 2003 for the contempt I filed.
Woohoo, 19 February 2003 my 1st time I got to just see my son from a distance. We were supposed to meet in front of Sears at Tri-County mall for our exchange. But going through this DUI I was allowed to drive with restrictions. I was allowed to go pick up my son on the scheduled visitation days. That wasn't good enough for my sons mom. We had to have witnesses with us at each exchange, and she stated to the courts that she does not want me driving with my son in the car. So, I had to have a licensed driver with me every time. Now with the only few times she did show up it was bad. The police were involved a couple of times. The first time I actually got to hold touch and keep my son for 3:45 minutes was 21 February 2003. She refused to give me my son until she called the police and had the license plate number ran and for the officer to check for proper installation of the car seat.
Remind you I have already been a single parent of my little girl for almost 7 years or so. The next incident with the police happened on another scheduled visitation day. She called the police because she couldn't get the license plate # from my car, with my mom driving like miss Daisy. We got to my exit which is 3 exits down from Tri-County, and the Police had the exit blocked off with a few Police cars, and a few unmarked cars. the cops came to my car with their guns drawn. My son in his car seat, my mom driving, and me in the passenger seat. They see my son in the back seat and asked if the child was alright. I told them yes. I asked what is the problem officer he said they got a phone call about my car having a towel covering up the license plate. Ok! Well, when my mom shut the trunk a shammie in my trunk had blown part way out and was covering some of the license plate.
That seemed a little crazy for something like that. This happened on 17 March 2003. My sons mom had a fetish for getting the make model and license plate number from every vehicle I was in due to my witnesses. I had 8 witnesses to these types of issues.
Then on 21 March 2003, we got the DUI dismissed from court. Due to negligence of the officer. Let alone around the time she filed a restraining order she also filed for custody after I lost my case for custody. A little revenge I would say.
So after all of this Chaos, with the Domestic Violence (Restraining Order), Criminal Trespassing, and her not showing up the 140 we are finally in court 5 May 2003 for this contempt. I had my lawyer, she had hers. And the magistrate felt that since I only paid $150.00 for her not showing up, only equaled one time of not showing up. I filed it for all 140. who in there right mind would pay $150.00 each time she broke the law. I would be in debt until I die. That totals $21,000.00. I shouldn't have to pay anything if she was court ordered to do something and she doesn't do it.
This day was the worst day of my life. I then had to decide, did I want to continue putting my daughter and son through any more of this? I felt that at this time that maybe she needed to grow up a little. She is 5 years younger than me. I got 2 charges put on my record, and what an embarrassment even with working for some companies. I have lost some jobs due to this. So, I took a vote over the last several months before the 5th of may 2003. I used the internet and people I knew, to feed this story to. I took their opinions and used it, on top of the way my heart felt. All broken and shattered. I decided to give up my Parental Rights to my son on this day. In giving this right of mine up, I was also allowed to have the child support dropped as well. Still bringing a tear to my eye as I type. Sorry.........be back soon!
Ok I'm back! I feel a little better. Thanks for holding on. I tell yah, my son will be 7 this May of 2008. The story goes on just a little longer if you can hold on. The way I feel now is, very sad, teary eyed, I get this big thumping in my chest now. Sorry I'm trying to type with tears in my eye!
I got a phone call at the same phone number that I have had for the last 7 years, on 24 January 2008. My sons mom had gotten married in June of 2007. He wants to adopt my son. Well we got to court on 3 April 2008. The Magistrate finds that the courts did not need my consent, for my son to be adopted by this man. I used the evidence that I have.
My son is now adopted. It hurts so bad inside. I get this deep beating of my chest now when I think about my son. I don't smile much anymore. I can cry so easily now, like now.. Sorry.. I don't recall the last time I had a happy dream. I did lose the closeness with my daughter. And that is my fault, sorry teary eyed again.. This so hard to type. It keeps making me sad.. I forced myself to start smoking again in June of 2002. I wish I could quit now. I will be 34 years old in a few days.
I did end up getting hitched with one of my witnesses. Happily to say I got her pregnant. And I finally have a son that can can participate in raising, the more the better, he is now 2.5 years old. And recently we had another baby, and she was a premie. But she is now almost 6 months old and doing pretty good, except for having some bad gas issues, and a hernia. But all of my 4 children are very beautiful and brilliant. I just hope that I am still around when the middle of May comes around in the year 2019. I will then be able to re-unite with my lost loved one.
This is the life of me and my children!!
You should read the story of my life. It is pretty crazy as well!!
